Why is the fraud cause pain?
“The fraud does not cause pain when it is performed, but when it opens,” says a popular computer game. I wonder why it is still so difficult for us to forgive the lie?
“The fraud does not cause pain when it is performed, but when it is revealed,” the son shared a quote from a computer game. In what unexpected places is sometimes the wisdom is found! But if essentially-where does the pain come from?
It seems to me that deception is secret violence over our free will, an attempt (and often successful) make us do what we would not do of our own free will if we had the knowledge that our interlocutor has. “Make” applies to feelings. Anyone who talks about his unreal feats or suffering provokes admiration or sympathy in us, which he actually does not deserve. Or we build a waiting in accordance with the promise that we received. We suffer from the fact that our expectation is violated. But more than that we experience deception as humiliation, as a denial of our right to know the truth.
True – divided reality: you tell me what you saw, I understood, survived yourself. Lies – you tell me something else, not what you saw, I understood, survived. And I am left alone with my reality. You do not share your reality with me. And I feel my inability to share in response. We find ourselves in different worlds. So lies pushes us – against our will – with our loneliness.
It seems to be what is the difference? Can’t I exclusively in accordance with my own decision to remain truthful regardless of whether the interlocutor has this quality? Can’t I tell about myself everything that I consider necessary? Theoretically, this is so, but, alas, experience contradicts this. If someone is lying to us, he seems to close some doors to us: we can still enter them, but we will have to make an effort to open them.
This disconnection is a sign of distrust: a person thereby tells us that he does not believe that we can accept his story properly. Perhaps he is right in his guess. But distrust offends.
When the doctor does not tell us about our deadly diagnosis, he is probably right in the assumption that, having heard this, we
are upset, maybe we will faint or scream and scream. And he protects himself from our alleged unworthy, unworthy and other “non- behavior.
But thereby he obviously takes away from us the opportunity to at least try to behave differently. Lying is a sentence made before the crime: we are recognized as incapable. At the same time, this is similar to a self -retreating prophecy: when we dug up to the truth for a long time, in this searches we lose their mental forces that could be useful to us to accept the news that they are concealed from us.
Those who say that we ourselves are right through our behavior provoke others on a lie. Classical picture: a man spent an evening with friends, his girlfriend is upset: “Friends are more important than me?!”And the case is ready: the next time he will say that he was at an important meeting. So the student, having heard from the lessons, will rather reflect on a headache than boredom. Fear is behind a lie. Is it always? In any case, most often. Perhaps not strong: after all, the fear of upset someone and then be a witness to the caused experiences is also a fear, although in homeopathic dilution. And we, it seems to be protected, is unpleasant to realize that we are becoming for someone a source of fear.